The Facts about Abuse

Use of force that causes pain or injury. 

Examples include:  hitting, slapping, pushing, restraining, spitting, biting, kicking, and throwing objects. 

Statistics:  In the United States, more than 10 million people experience physical abuse every year. It is estimated that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience some form of physical intimate partner violence in their lifetimes.

Warning signs:  
Frequent, Suspicious Injuries: Unexplained bruises (especially on the neck, upper arms, or face), cuts, burns, or sprains. These are often dismissed with unconvincing explanations like "I tripped" or "I'm just clumsy." 
Hiding the Body: Wearing clothing that is completely inappropriate for the weather or setting, such as long sleeves and pants in extreme heat, or heavy makeup and sunglasses indoors, specifically to cover up marks or injuries. 
Physical Intimidation and Property Damage: A partner throwing objects, punching walls, breaking personal belongings, or blocking doorways during arguments. While not directly hitting the person, these are clear physical threats of violence. 
Abrupt Absences from Work or School: Missing commitments, calling in sick frequently, or suddenly skipping social gatherings without a clear reason, often because they are waiting for visible physical injuries to heal.  Constant headaches and stomach aches. 
Defensive Physical Behaviors: Flinching at sudden movements, cringing, or displaying an intense, physical fear response when their partner moves quickly or raises their voice. 

Use of non-physical behaviors to control, isolate, or frighten someone, including subtle actions that are difficult to identify but remain as serious as other forms of abuse. 

Examples include: using shaming and belittling language, withholding affection, refusing to communicate, constantly criticizing, and gaslighting. 

Statistics:  Despite being difficult to track and report, emotional abuse is one of the most prevalent types of abuse. Nearly half of all men and women in the United States (48%) are estimated to have experienced emotional abuse from an intimate partner. Additionally, about 95% of survivors of physical intimate partner violence also reported experiencing emotional abuse.

Warning signs:
Extreme Isolation and Monitoring: The partner heavily restricts who they see or talk to, tracks their location, or demands access to their phone, social media, and bank accounts.
Constant Criticism and Humiliation: Being subjected to frequent insults, mocking, or belittling remarks disguised as "jokes’, both in private and in front of friends or family.
Gaslighting and Reality Distortion: The partner systematically denies facts, twists conversations, or blames the victim for things they didn't do, causing them to constantly second-guess their own memory, judgment, and sanity.
Walking on Eggshells: The victim lives in a state of perpetual anxiety, hyper-managing their own behavior, words, and appearance out of intense fear of triggering their partner's anger or mood swings.
Punishment via Silence or Affection: The partner uses the "silent treatment," withdraws affection, or threatens abandonment as a tool to punish the victim and force compliance.

Use of words to cause emotional pain. 

Examples include:  screaming, persistent name-calling, threats, spreading rumors, and put-downs.

Statistics:  Nearly 1 in 3 people in the U.S. will experience severe verbal or psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime

Warning Signs:
Frequent Name-Calling and Insults: The partner uses derogatory labels, curses at them, or targets their insecurities to make them feel worthless, often masking it as "just a joke" if challenged.
Yelling, Screaming, and Intimidating Tone: Conversations regularly escalate into aggressive shouting or a low, menacing tone designed to induce fear and compliance rather than resolve conflict.
Blame-Shifting and Accusations: The partner constantly accuses them of lying, cheating, or being the root cause of every problem in the relationship, forcing the victim into a perpetual state of self-defense.
Public Humiliation: The partner deliberately criticizes, corrects, or mocks them in front of friends, family, or strangers to diminish their confidence and assert dominance.
Weaponized Silence (The Silent Treatment): Abruptly cutting off all verbal communication for days at a time as a punitive measure to make the victim feel invisible and desperate to apologize.

Any non-consensual sexual contact or behavior. 

Examples include: situations where consent cannot be given (due to age, illness, or intoxication), sexual coercion, where a person is pressured or guilted into sexual acts, and rape.

Statistics:  About 1 in 3 women and 1 in 8 men have experienced sexual abuse from an intimate partner, with 1.5 million rapes perpetrated against women and 800,000 sexual assaults perpetrated against men each year

Warning Signs:
Forced or Coerced Acts: Being pressured, guilted, or physically forced into sexual activities, specific acts, or a frequency of sex they are not comfortable with.
Inability to Freely Consent: Sexual activity occurring when the victim is asleep, intoxicated, or otherwise incapacitated and unable to say no or give enthusiastic consent.
Reproductive Coercion: The partner sabotaging birth control (e.g., hiding pills, poking holes in condoms), forcing a pregnancy, or demanding an abortion against the victim's wishes.
Sexual Degradation and Humiliation: Using insults, crude language, or demeaning behavior during intimacy, or demanding to film or photograph sexual acts without enthusiastic permission.
Accusations and Guilt-Tripping: The partner constantly accuses them of cheating, withholding affection as punishment, or claiming that sex is an absolute "marital duty" or obligation.

Controlling a partner's ability to acquire, use, and maintain financial resources. 

Examples include limiting access to funds, preventing them from working, and causing debt that forces financial dependency.

Statistics:  It is estimated that 93% of all domestic violence survivors experience some form of economic abuse. Additionally, between 21% and 60% of domestic violence victims lose their jobs for reasons related to their abuse.

Warning Signs:
Strict Financial Control and Allowances: The partner controls all bank accounts, hides financial assets, and forces the victim to ask for money or puts them on a strict, unrealistic "allowance" for basic necessities.
Sabotaging Employment or Education: Preventing them from working or attending school by hiding their car keys, refusing to provide promised childcare, creating scenes right before interviews, or demanding they quit their job.
Exploiting Assets and Credit: Stealing money from the victim's paycheck, forcing them to sign financial documents, or opening credit cards and taking out loans in the victim's name without their consent (or through coercion), ruining their credit score.
Monitoring Every Penny: Demanding to see every single receipt, tracking spending habits obsessively, and forcing the victim to justify any expenditure, no matter how small.
Withholding Basic Needs: Refusing to provide money for critical necessities like medicine, groceries, clothes, or utility bills, even when the money is readily available.

Use of technology to bully, harass, stalk, or intimidate. 

Examples include: demanding passwords, using tracking apps to monitor location, and sextortion.

Statistics: As technology becomes increasingly ubiquitous, the prevalence of digital abuse has increased. In one study of practitioners working with survivors of domestic violence, 98% of respondents reported that they had worked with survivors who experienced digital coercive control. Digital abuse is also often used to facilitate other forms of abuse. For example, 80% of all stalking victims report being stalked with technology.

Warning Signs:
Constant Digital Monitoring: The partner demands passwords to their phone, email, and social media accounts, or insists on tracking their real-time location via GPS apps like Life360
Text and Call Bombarding: Sending a relentless barrage of texts, DMs, or calls, and becoming angry, accusatory, or threatening if the victim doesn't respond immediately.
Digital Stalking and Surveillance: Checking the victim’s phone logs, browsing history, and social media activity daily, or using hidden cameras, spyware, and AirTags to track them without consent.
Smart-Home Device Manipulation: Using connected home technology (like smart thermostats, lights, or security cameras) to spy on, confuse, or terrify the victim by controlling the house remotely.
Online Humiliation and Threats: Posting embarrassing photos, spreading rumors online, or threatening to share private images (revenge porn) or personal information (doxing) to ruin the victim's reputation.

Involves a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention and contact that causes fear, anxiety, or concern for safety.

Examples include: showing up at your workplace, installing spyware on your phone, repeated unwanted phone calls, texts, or emails, or leaving intimidating items for you to find.

Statistics:  More than 1 in 5 women and about 1 in 10 men in the United States have experienced stalking in their lifetimes. About 52% of female stalking victims and 63% of male stalking victims were also threatened with physical harm by their perpetrators

Warning Signs:
Unwanted Presence and "Coincidences": Showing up uninvited at the victim's workplace, home, school, or favorite hangouts, often claiming it was just a coincidence or that they were "just passing by."
Relentless Contact: Flooding the victim with unwanted phone calls, text messages, emails, letters, or social media DMs, even after being explicitly asked to stop.
Surveillance and Tracking: Following the victim, watching them from a distance, or using technology (like hidden cameras, GPS trackers, or AirTags hidden in cars or bags) to monitor their movements.
Gathering Intelligence: Asking the victim’s friends, family, coworkers, or neighbors for details about their schedule, who they are spending time with, or where they live.
Property Trespassing and "Gifts": Leaving unwanted items, flowers, or notes on the victim's doorstep or car, or entering their property/home without permission to let them know they were there.

A failure to provide for a person's basic needs.

Examples include: failing to provide adequate food, clothing, housing, or medical care.

Statistics:  Older people and people with disabilities are at particular risk of neglect, with an estimated 37% of individuals with disabilities and up to 5% of adults over 60 experiencing intimate partner or caregiver neglect.

Warning Signs:
Poor Personal Hygiene: The individual is consistently unwashed, wears dirty or heavily soiled clothing, or leaves medical/incontinence products unchanged for extended periods.
Untreated Medical Conditions: Missing critical doctor appointments, withholding prescribed medications, or ignoring obvious signs of physical illness, infection, or injury.
Malnutrition and Dehydration: Extreme or sudden weight loss, a gaunt appearance, or constant hunger and thirst because adequate food and clean water are being withheld or restricted.
Unsafe or Unsanitary Living Conditions: Being forced to live in an environment that lacks basic necessities—such as functioning heat, running water, or electricity—or living amidst severe clutter, hazardous waste, or mold.
Abandonment and Isolation: Being left alone or unsupervised for long periods when they are physically or mentally unable to care for themselves, or being completely cut off from social interaction and the outside world.